Your Personal Breakthrough Blog

From the category archives:

Relationship Help

helpWe’re picking up where we left off with Part 2 of this series.

Your next level of achievement is out there. It’s like a Christmas present under the tree with your name on it.

If you want this gift, this achievement, you must take the necessary actions to open it.

It’s not so difficult to sit crossed legs by the tree and tear away at the thin, colorful wrapping paper. On the contrary, it’s quite fun and exciting!

Guess what?

The acquisition of your goals and treasures can also be fun and exciting!

BUT, it’s not going to happen on accident.

If you feel like you’ve plateaued, or that you’re in a bit of a rut, it’s time to take action.

What kind of action?

Asking for help.

Sorry, “asking for help” is a bit misleading. Why?

It doesn’t take much at all to ask for help, just like it doesn’t take much to throw the basketball at the goal. But as we all know, there is a monumental difference between a six-year-old throwing the basketball at the goal and a NBA veteran doing the same.

What’s the difference?

Technique.

Learn the best technique for asking for help so that you may increase the probability of getting that “yes” and grounding yourself so that nothing is lost when you hear “no”.

What are you afraid of losing when faced with a “no”? Why is this frightening to you? How long has this idea held you back?

*If you haven’t familiarized yourself with practices 1-5, pause, visit Part 1, and return here for the conclusion of this series.

 

#6 Understand What’s Actually Happening

In Part 2 of this series, we finished with outlining the best approach to verbally asking for help- the actual performance of it all.

What did you learn here? Was there a step you’ve been skipping? If so, do you regularly skip it or is it just in certain situations?

You’d think our discussion would end here. You asked for help and they said X. What’s left to do?

There’s nothing to “do” per se, but there is a dimension of understanding you must visit if you want to get value beyond the “yes” or “no”. What kind of value?

It’s all about sending out the right messages into the Universe. A proclamation if you will.

In your journey to personal success, this “yes” or “no” isn’t the end of the story. There will always be a new goal or benchmark to meet. That’s life, isn’t it?

When preparing, performing, or reflecting on “asking for help”, you must acknowledge and hold the entire timeline of your journey in your mind. You must:

  1. Understand that this particular “yes” or “no” is not the final verdict on if or when your goal or resources will be realized.
  2. Understand that you are acting in alignment of what is required of you in this stage of development and reverberating this intention out into the Universe.
  3. Understand that “no” doesn’t really mean “no”…it just means “not right now”.

For example, I have a potted plant that sits on my balcony. I leave it outside and “ask” for sunshine and rain. If the weather says “no” to sunshine and rain today, I know that this is not the final verdict as to whether or not my French Lavender will survive or not.

I also know that I’m doing what is required to help this plant fulfill its potential. I also know that even though it didn’t rain or shine on my plant today, it will soon.

BUT, only if I don’t give up on the plant. It must be ready and available for these resources, i.e., I have to put it on the balcony or there’s ZERO chance it will grow.

Do you see how “asking for help” is like this plant? Do you see how “no” actually means “not right now”?

 

#7 Stay Connected

If you follow the ideas and practices presented in this series, you will reach your goals quicker and with less struggle. Why?

Because of proper technique. Just like the NBA veteran, right?

The more you work with this process, the easier it will become for you. The more you work with this process, the louder your results will be. The more you work with this process, the more your environment will feed you.

Once you have known success by reaching out to others, it opens the lifestyle to more success in this fashion- it’s a gift giving fashion.

Right now this path, from 1) the resources you need to 2) yourself, may be dense and overgrown- just like an unkept hiking trail in the back-country of Colorado. However, once navigated it is mapped.

Once this relationship is mapped, you may visit it as often as you like. The more you visit this process, the more “beaten” this trail becomes.

Stay connected to this process. Let it become a part of your new lifestyle.

 

Your Next Step

Your next step is to identify the one area of your life where you are struggling the most. Once identified, pinpoint the exact challenge you are having the most difficulty with. Then, look to your Inner Circle of relationships (then Outer Circle) and identify the one person who may be able to support you with information or a helping hand.

If you’re absolutely stuck on where to go or who to ask for help, you are encouraged to seek out the expertise and guidance of 1-on-1 Coaching.

 

Food for Thought

Why do you think most people have difficulty in asking for help? Are you one of these people? If so, why? If not, why do you think you have a different outlook?

Please share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below. It creates substantial value for our Community to hear from others who are also invested in personal development.

P.S. Quick reads like this are incredibly powerful and serve well to remind us, get us back on track, and to help us learn new skills. However, for those of you out there who are interested in even bigger gains towards personal freedom, removing blocks, deepening relationships, and connecting to Source, consider Coaching. It is truly the most transformative experience you will ever have. If this is you, sign up for a free Coaching Strategy Session and learn what Coaching can do for you (serious applicants only).

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canstockphoto0978399Do you wake up dreading what’s expected of you?

Do you feel like you’re being forced to do something you weren’t cut out for?

Do you feel like you’re wasting your time and potential?

If so, then you feel like most people. We humans haven’t quite figured out what we’re “supposed” to be doing.

Most of us (for whatever reason) get pointed down one path, invest, and never look back. We get stuck in habits, careers, social circles, and lifestyles that aren’t fulfilling.

Sounding familiar?

Ready for the good news?

You can change whenever you want.

 

“Why Me?”

Everybody has a reason for how we got here. Just go to the “New Age” section of your local book store to see how many there are.

Entertain this one:

You died. You go up to Heaven and God is there ready to greet you.

God: How was it?

You: Pretty good…kind of weird.

God: Did you learn anything.

You: Oh yeah! A ton!

God: You want to go back for another round?

You: Absolutely!

God: What kind of situation do you want me to put you in?

You: Hmm, well, I want to be nicer to people this time. Put me in Texas so I can grow up around people who are hospitable and friendly so that I may learn from them.

God: *writing down notes* Anything else?

You: I wasn’t very sensitive as a man. How about you make me a woman this time. I also want to be more expressive. Can you give me some artistic friends?

God: Sure, sure.

You: I also want to help people this time. I’m thinking children. Honestly, I think the best way I can help children is if you give me a somewhat of an unpleasant childhood- that way I can be compassionate to those who will have shared the same experiences.

After about one thousand more customizations, you’re put in your mommy’s tummy.

 

You and Your Unique Experiences

Regardless of how you got here (this cartoony version or some other one), here you are with your experiences. You can’t undo them. You can’t change them.

The only thing you can do is use what you got and make the most of it.

Do you feel like you’re making the most of it? If not, are you ready for a change? Are you anxious (or at least curious) to feel the power and conviction of feeling and acting in alignment with your purpose? If so, begin by looking at your wounds.

Did you have a troubled childhood? Were you negatively affected by the lack of leadership in your life? Have you struggled with interpersonal relationships?

This is where you will show and express your deepest compassions. This is where you will understand the hardships of those who are struggling.

Your understanding will do more than any other service one could hope for.

On a practical level, having endured similar hardships, you will have learned a thing or two and will be able to speed up another’s learning process.

Poof, the world is a better place because of you.

 

Be Thankful

Yeah, it’s difficult to be thankful for the events that have caused you so much pain, but consider how it would be otherwise- you’d be an alien.

Without suffering, you wouldn’t be able to relate to anyone. You wouldn’t be able to understand others’ motivations.

The worst part of all is that you yourself would never learn anything.

But you did, and now you can turn around and help others. So go ahead and do it. And don’t think your efforts won’t be rewarded. The feeling of helping others will supersede all other joys you’ve known.

Oh, and one more thing, get ready for Healing, and not just in one area.

A job well done in one dimension of your life will branch into another. As you heal, you will grow. As you grow, so will you’re reach.

So reach out into the world and be the change, the change you’ve always wanted.

 

Your Next Step

Look into your past now and observe what unique, personal events you felt have separated you from the rest. What was the most important message you learned having endured such hardships?

 

Food for Thought

How can you leverage your unique experiences to create value for others? Is compassion enough, or is there something else you feel like you want to do?

Please share your experiences and ideas with us by leaving a comment below. This is the perfect place to start a light or in-depth conversation.

P.S. Quick reads like this are incredibly powerful and serve well to remind us, get us back on track, and to help us learn new skills. However, for those of you out there who are interested in even bigger gains towards personal freedom, removing blocks, deepening relationships, and connecting to Source, consider Coaching. It is truly the most transformative experience you will ever have. If this is you, sign up for a free Coaching Strategy Session and learn what Coaching can do for you (serious applicants only).

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stalemate-2We’re picking up where we left off with 7 Reasons Why Asking for Help Will Unlock Your Success’s Stalemate. Work with the following ideas and practices to find out for yourself how asking for help can support your unique situation and give you the momentum that you’ve been searching for. …It’s easier than you might think. *Note: If you haven’t visited Part 1 of this series, do so now as it is a prerequisite to the following material.

#3 Identify the Action

You know you want help, you know who you want it from, but do you know exactly what you want accomplished? Do you know how to communicate this? Imagine this… You need help cleaning out your garage. A friend agrees. You each pick a section of the garage to dedicate your time and attention to. After an hour of intense labor, you look over at your friend and discover that he has meticulously organized one shelf in the garage. Not only has he barely made a dent in his section, you forgot to tell him that everything on that shelf was going to be thrown away later that day. What happened here? While you succeeded in acknowledging that you needed help and convinced somebody to join your cause, you forgot to tell him exactly what you need from him. You have in effect wasted your (and his) precious time and energy. Want to get the most out of your investment in “asking for help”? Identify EXACTLY what you need from this person and communicate it to them in a way that there is no room for misunderstanding.

#4 Accept the Answer

As you read through the following ideas and practices, you need to understand that you are “asking” for help, not “telling”. Whoever you are asking has the right to tell you “no”. And while this reaction will keep many of us from asking in the first place, we have to realize that this is a definite possibility. What most people don’t realize is that “no” leads to the perfect “yes”. How so? You don’t want to twist somebody’s arm to help you. This is going to lead to disruptions and complications down the road. What you really want is somebody who is excited to help you, somebody that will go beyond the call of duty to help you realize your goal. That leads us to the next question…how does one get somebody excited about their goal? Answer: By closely following the ideas and exercises presented in this series of articles. *Note: If any of the material in this series raises questions or concerns for your unique situation, please ask by leaving a comment below and I will personally respond and see that you get the individual attention you’re looking for. Ok?

#5 Speak the Truth

In the process of identifying what kind of help you need, from who and what is required of them, you’re also going to have to “step up to the plate”, come out with it and ask. For many, this can be an intimidating step, but only if your approach is out of alignment with your intentions. Let me explain. Leading up to this point, you’ve done a lot of work. At this point, it should be crystal clear as to WHY you need this help. In fact, you’ve reached this level of realization because you’ve been honest with yourself, you are aligned with Truth. This very same honesty is the bridge to helping others understand you and your goal. Bottom line- if you want others to help you, you must be honest with them. This may require you to open up in such a way that’s outside of your comfort zone. If so, go for it! It gives strength to your actions and Manifestations. It’s also the most powerful force in recruiting others’ help. It will ultimately require you to…

  1. Share your goal,
  2. Communicate why it’s important to you (and possibly others),
  3. Why you need their help,
  4. What is required of them, and
  5. What the desired results will be

People want to help you, you just need to give them a reason. It’s a beautiful relationship that the modern human has fallen out of touch with.

Next Time

In our next article, we’ll finish the series with the final two practices that will unlock your success’s stalemate.

Your Next Step

Familiarize yourself with the material in this article and the material from Part 1. Learn which ideas and practices deserve your attention the most.

Food for Thought

What is one area of your life where you could use more help? Why haven’t you asked? Write down your answers. P.S. Quick reads like this are incredibly powerful and serve well to remind us, get us back on track, and to help us learn new skills. However, for those of you out there who are interested in even bigger gains towards personal freedom, removing blocks, deepening relationships, and connecting to Source, consider Coaching. It is truly the most transformative experience you will ever have. If this is you, sign up for a free Coaching Strategy Session and learn what Coaching can do for you (serious applicants only).

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canstockphoto23615135Why doesn’t asking for help come easily?

This is the most common question that I encounter during my 1-on-1 Coaching Sessions after we have identified the client’s next crucial step.

Often that next step requires the individual to pull his or her resources together, assess and gauge the power of these resources, and leverage them to fulfill the best fit role in the next stage of acquisitions.

When most arrive at this juncture, there’s a lot of hesitation.

Up until this point, my clients and I have achieved monumental progress in reshaping habits, polishing schedules, and developing new skills. One would think that this preparatory work, this laying of the foundation, would be the most challenging chapter in their personal success story.

…But that hasn’t been the case.

After further research, I realized that most people struggle when asking for help. When our team asked our Community about this dilemma, over half of the volunteers reported that asking for help has been THE most difficult step in reaching their goals.

When I first learned of these results, I thought to myself, “This is bizarre!” I couldn’t understand how asking a friend or coworker for help could be more difficult than adjusting the diet, or learning how to meditate. But soon I realized something that would transform the way I understood interpersonal interaction. It was the same understanding that helped ¾ of my clients take the next crucial step that had been intimidating them for so long.

My clients and I had a very black and white understanding of how asking for help would move them forward. However, it wasn’t until after this step was taken that we realized how transformative this simple process was.

After my clients asked for help (whether they received a “yes” or “no”), there was a huge and immediate release of fear. They felt this release as if an entity within them had been pushed out. The space that was left was filled with peace, satisfaction, and accomplishment.

As I heard more and more stories like this, I couldn’t believe that so much value could be created from just a few strings of words.

After I had collected these stories, I was encouraged to share some of these findings with the greater public. These and other success stories can all boil down to a few simple and powerful ideas. Work with the following ideas and practices and find out for yourself how asking for help can support your unique situation and give you the momentum that you’ve been searching for.

It’s easier than you think.

 

#1 Asking and Grounding

Asking for help grounds you.

It lets you know where you are and what you need. It’s a reality check of sorts- one that can help us identify that next crucial move.

I think it’s safe to say that all of would enjoy to see our goals materialize sooner than later. If such a longing exists inside of you, one must consider the dimension of time and what restraints it places on this goal, i.e., we don’t have unlimited time to get this work done.

This very idea brings our mortality and the nature of our goals to the front of our mind. It forces us to realize that there’s a deadline.

One of the most common reasons that people don’t ask for help is that they don’t realize the immediacy of what is required of them. It’s too easy to just think, “Oh, I’ll do that next week”. And then what happens?

Nothing.

And more of nothing the week after that.

However, when one considers asking for help, they also consider the sensitivity of their goal. They come to realize that it has needs (just like us) and that the opportunity for fruition won’t always be available.

As one becomes more conscious of this dimension of time, one also realizes that time is running out. It’s quite the grounding experience.

Whether you decide to ask for help or not, the consideration of asking has laid the bed for discovering otherwise unreachable truths, as in “How serious am I about this goal?” and “What am I willing to do to acquire?”

 

#2 Asking and Feeling It Out

You know you want help, but don’t know exactly what kind or who to ask.

This is also a common experience for people actively pursuing their goals. We know that many hands make light work, but we don’t always know what job to give them. To find the answer, we must incorporate our greater intelligence, one that includes but is not limited to the mind.

The mind would love to know the 1, 2, 3, 4 stepwise progression for getting the help you need. It would also love to know who to ask and at exactly what day and time. And while this luxury may appear every now and then, it’s nothing to wait on.

There are too many variables for this sterile and calculated approach. We need to be more flexible, more observant of our current environment. How is this achieved?

Answer: Always be on the lookout for helpers. The mind is not able to imagine the context in which these helpers will appear, but your “feelers” are.

The Hunter has theses skills. He is patient, still, focused, and observing his environment. Want to be a successful Hunter? Stay alert and identify your target.

 

Next Time

In our next article, we’ll continue with the “7 Reasons Why Asking for Help Will Unlock Your Success’s Stalemate” and learn exactly why and how this new attitude will take you to your next level of achievement.

 

Your Next Step

Work with these ideas and practices and stay tuned for Part 2 where we’ll discuss action, acceptance, truth, understanding, and connection. Powerful stuff indeed.

 

Food for Thought

What is the one area of your life where you could excel if you only had the help? Who has the resources to help you?

Please share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below. It creates substantial value for our Community to hear from others who are also invested in personal development.

P.S. Quick reads like this are incredibly powerful and serve well to remind us, get us back on track, and to help us learn new skills. However, for those of you out there who are interested in even bigger gains towards personal freedom, removing blocks, deepening relationships, and connecting to Source, consider Coaching. It is truly the most transformative experience you will ever have. If this is you, sign up for a free Coaching Strategy Session and learn what Coaching can do for you (serious applicants only).

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canstockphoto3647992Chances are, you are the best communicator you know.

You are, and have been, the supreme champion of communicating ideas to yourself, and so much so that you are able to do it without words.

The need to change the channel on your television is put into action thanks to the relationship your brain and body have developed over the years. But what happens when you have to communicate ideas to other people? Or, when others need to communicate ideas to you?

It gets sticky.

Unfortunately, there’s no way of ever knowing if you and the other person are “on the same page”.

And why not?

  • They may have misinterpreted the question.
  • They may have an issue expressing their honesty to you.
  • They may have an issue expressing their honesty to themselves.
  • They may be uncomfortable in the current environment.
  • They may not be feeling themselves, i.e., physically, emotionally, or spiritually out of alignment.

You already know that these factors, and many others, are contributors to an imperfect representation of the truth. You know this because it also happens to you.

Yes, at the end of the day we are still humans, doing our best to communicate what we want and need from others. It used to be so simple, remember?

Remember when we were all cavemen? We pointed at food and said “food”. We pointed at danger and said “run”. Everybody was on the same page.

Welcome to 2015. Never have there been more distractions, avenues for communication, and number of people to communicate with. We’re all bouncing off one another both outside and inside of our homes.

Times are hard for the communicating human.

…And it’s not going to get any easier.

Now more than ever, we humans need to take responsibility for our interactions. The number of people you share this planet with grows every day, and as technology develops, you’ll be interacting with more and more of them.

And until the world leaders announce “Communication” as a world crisis, only the brave few will be burdened with this truth and be left to work the fields alone.

So what can we do? How can we personally shape our interactions so that both us and “them” can have full, rich, and deep relationships? Relationships that pierce through the distractions of our modern world and touch the heart of our cognition and its artisanship?

Answer: There’s a lot you can do. But the quickest to learn, understand, and put to immediate use is NLP Eye Patterns.

 

What is NLP Eye Patterns?

NLP Eye Patterns is the act of recognizing and understanding eye movement and how it directly relates to the information currently being accessed in the mind.

Look at the eyes, look at the mind.

It’s the niftiest gadget in James Bond’s arsenal.

Remember when we spoke on a few reasons as to why others may not be able to give a completely accurate presentation? Whatever their hang up is, the eyes don’t lie. It’s in our human design.

When you learn and use NLP Eye Patterns, you are able to transgress the limitations of speech and vocabulary and merge with others’ processing. When you know what kind of information is being processed by the person you are speaking with, you know the soil that grew the fruit.

It works just like this…

If you ask Bob what color is first car was, he will shift his eyes to your right, his left. This is because he is “recalling” information.

If you ask Bob what he thinks about the song the two of you just listened to, he will shift his eyes to your left, his right. This is because he is “constructing” information.

Seems simple enough, right?

Because it is.

Just by watching the eyes, you know whether the speaker is recalling or constructing information.

Take a moment to image the applications of knowing whether someone is using old information or new information to answer your question.

However the speaker responds, you now have more awareness of their processing and delivery.

Awareness is THE key to being a better communicator. The better you are at communicating, the more effective you become in every aspect of your life.

 

More on NLP Eye Patterns

There’s another dimension of interpretation to consider when working with NLP Eye Patterns.

You already learned how to read whether the speaker is recalling or constructing information. Now let’s introduce how to read the “depth” of that information.

It works just like this…

When the speaker looks up, he is accessing the (let’s think like coffee) “light roast” of information. This is because he is processing the information on a visual level and the human’s visual experience is a narrow one compared to other modes of processing.

When the speaker shifts his eyes, but moves them neither up or down, he is accessing the “medium roast” of information. He is most likely referring to the auditory region of his brain. A human’s auditory experience has 10x the information as the visual one.

When the speaker looks down, he is accessing (you guessed it) the “dark roast” of information. This is literally the full-body experience where he is accessing his physiology. This mode of processing engages the widest channel of information, incorporating many dimensions of the human experience.

Why is this important to know?

When you can read at which level the information is being processed, you will know what kind of experience the speaker is having.

Combine this dimension of observation with the “recall vs. constructed” dimension, and you have an astonishingly accurate interpretation on what the speaker is ACTUALLY saying.

When you know what is ACTUALLY being said, you can tailor your responses to fit the mode of processing they are currently working in.

It puts you “on the same page”.

The people with whom you engage with will:  enjoy your interaction more, be more honest with you, share more at a deeper level, give more value to your relationship, be more willing to help you, and be more willing to do what you tell them to do.

 

In Conclusion

Practicing NLP Eye Patterns is easily one of the most valuable tools you can now clip on your belt to support you in being the effective communicator you’re meant to be.

 

Like always, if you have any questions about this or any other article, please ask by leaving a comment below. Also, we would love to start a conversation here. Tell us…what did you think of NLP Eye Patterns? Useful?

P.S. Quick reads like this are incredibly powerful and serve well to remind us, get us back on track, and to help us learn new skills. However, for those of you out there who are interested in even bigger gains towards personal freedom, removing blocks, deepening relationships, and connecting to Source, consider Coaching. It is truly the most transformative experience you will ever have. If this is you, sign up for a free Coaching Strategy Session and learn what Coaching can do for you (serious applicants only).

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